When you are a member of the baby loss community so many ordinary things are painful. When someone asks you how you are you say "OK" but what you really want to say is "I lost my son 19.5 months ago and I struggle to live without him every single day, how do you think I am?" People don't realize how simple things can hurt to the core.
Here is a scenario for you taken from my real life experience and the reason for this blog: Today I logged on to FB and see a status by my sister who is currently pregnant with her second child. This status says: "Does anyone know someone who takes good maternity photos? I want to announce the sex with pictures and I've got lots of ideas." I am by no means a professional photographer. I worke at Olan Mills for a while and have taken pictures of my own kids, nephew and even a wedding and I'm pretty proud of how all the photos turn out. The simple words of her status hurt. I figured that I would be the logical choice to do her pictures because not only is she my sister but I don't charge her for doing them. I guess I was wrong. I commented on this status as I saw fit with a simple "Wow. That was a slap in the face." Her response to me was something along the lines of "I didn't ask you because I think the baby is a boy."
Would it be incredibly hard to do her pictures knowing that she is having a boy? YES! What hurts my feelings more is that she didn't even bother to ask. She doesn't know what she is having yet, or at least that's what I'm told and I think that I should've at least been given the option to do her pictures. I can't say much more without getting upset. I locked myself in the bathroom and cried because my feelings were so hurt. Some people may think I'm being ridiculous or even rude but why should I pretend that things don't bother me to keep the peace or to keep other people happy?
I've decided that I'm done with it all. Why should I continue to put myself in situations that allow me to get hurt, regardless of who is on the other end of it? I don't care if you are my sister, friend, cousin, best friend's friend if your pregnancy or anything involved with you being pregnant bothers me I'm going to remove myself from the situation. I don't have to keep myself in the cross fires and end up broken hearted.